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Stanton entered the room ready for the day, looking sharp in a navy suit and yellow tie. We both turned at the sound of my stepfather’s voice. “A six-year-old could’ve understood the terms,” I shot back, irritated by the real problem in my marriage: Gideon and I had way too many people meddling in our relationship, distracting us so that we didn’t have time to tackle the things that really needed work. “You’re not an attorney! God, Eva … I raised you to be smarter than this!” “Eva Lauren! Did you have it looked at? Or was that spontaneous, too?” Money had long been the driving force of her life. Of course my mother would zero in on the financial details. She pulled back, revealing a tear-streaked face and fire in her eyes. We went away for the weekend, and Gideon asked me if I would, and he made the arrangements …. I breathed in the familiar scent of her and felt the kind of peace only found in a mother’s arms. I reached for her hands, but she pulled me into a fierce hug instead. “Don’t cry.” I got up and went to her, taking a seat beside her. “Why? God, Eva … how did we grow so far apart?” “Gideon and I eloped a few weeks ago.” God, it felt good to put that out there. I loved my dad so much, but I also believed that my stepfather was perfect for my mom in just the way she needed a husband to be.
#One with you sylvia day how to#
Did it weigh on her mind? Did she question what she had with Stanton? I didn’t know how to feel about that. I had to wonder if my mother’s recent infidelity with my father was the true root of her concern. Her shoulders went back, her entire posture shifting to one of outrage. “I don’t know how to be the kind of wife Gideon needs,” I confessed. Over the years, I’d forced myself to skirt around the truth far too often, keeping secrets from everyone I loved just to maintain peace. With me, she was anxious and intrusive, sometimes bordering on hysterical. She was supremely confident about everything in her life, except for me. After my mom learned of the abuse, she had changed, becoming overprotective to the point of stalking and smothering me. My stepbrother Nathan had taken my warm, easy relationship with my mother away from me, just as he’d taken my innocence. I’d learned to be careful about what I shared with my mom, doing my best to withhold information that might start discussions that drove me crazy.
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I was hurting inside when I took a seat on the couch opposite her. Her shock was a hard blow, telling me how completely I’d shut her out. A moment later she was sinking back onto the sofa as if her knees had failed her. My words hung in the air, and then I watched comprehension widen my mother’s eyes with surprise. I’d tried a lot of different tactics in navigating my relationship with Gideon, but I hadn’t asked for help from the one person close to me who knew what it was like to be married to prominent and powerful men. I’d stopped turning to her for advice, except when it came to clothes and decorating. Who we were as women couldn’t be more different and, sadly, that was something I’d come to take pride in. In the end, I had matured into her spitting image aside from the style of our hair and the color of my eyes. And her way with men, how they looked at her and catered to her … well, I’d wanted that magic touch of hers, too. I tried to emulate her breathy voice and sensual mannerisms, certain my mother was the most gorgeous and perfect woman in the world. I spent hours dressing up in her clothes, stumbling around in her heels, smearing my face with her expensive creams and cosmetics. Once, I had wanted to grow up to be just like my mother. “A bump that had you avoiding him for days? That’s not the way to deal with your problems, Eva.”